i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
