i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
