I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
