turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
