OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize