I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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