I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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