ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
