matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
