I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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