can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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