he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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