Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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