I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
