Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
