If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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