Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
