Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
