oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
