I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
