I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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