i wish peter jackson would direct porn
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
