This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize