we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
