Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
