so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
