you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
