She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize