you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
