whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
