I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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