SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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