she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
