SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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