I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
