I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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