i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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