am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
