I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
