im six kinds of drunk right now
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
