some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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