Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Be still, my beating vagina.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
