She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
