I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we're making bets on your personal life
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize