My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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