Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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