I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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