Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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