is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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