The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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