Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
