I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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