i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
