Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
