Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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