I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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