i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
