I wish I only lived at night.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
