Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize