her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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