I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
