dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
