I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
