I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
